December 4 report

The oncologist today said that the incisional tumor that had been growing has now clearly been shrinking.  the cea last time (2 weeks ago, November 19) was 5.4 not 5.8 as reported to me inaccurately by ed.  now, they've decided to measure the cea only once a month.  and today's infusion went routinely.  it's still a long procedure (3.5 hours) and while it's going on, I (if i accompany ed, which i don't always) trot around doing errands at stores we don't have close by, like staples or trader  joe's or a big good will or, today, target.  target is the hardest store for me.  i don't understand at all how it's laid out (i go there maybe 2 a year) and it takes me ages to find anything and then there are 12 different kinds of the thing.  and exhaustion sets in soon after that.

anyway, at the end of the infusion, we went off to the Nexus place at the border to get our nexus cards for faster border crossing renewed and, even though two of the three people we dealt with were quite pleasant and even helpful, the third was in full robotic mode, and the entire encounter only made incredibly apparent how much contempt they have for their clientele.  they tell you about new rules that clearly make no sense at all to them or to you and they don't even begin to explain why such rules exist but only point out to you that if you violate them, you will have your card permanently taken away from you and what that might do to your life is irrelevant.  perhaps because they have no more power to do anything than you do, or perhaps because they can't imagine that having your life work is of any concern to them.  it's a dispiriting experience and i think how blacks must have felt in the face of southern white intransigence, or of jews in nazi germany, or other such alien 'others'...to be faced with such indifference to one's human qualities is truly debilitating.  it only happens to us occasionally, but to have it as an accompaniment of daily life...hard to fathom...

anyway, the medical experience continues and we are in good fettle, overall, the both of us...the one who is actually experiencing it all and the one who is only standing next to it and trying to process its impact upon us both.

good to think of you all out there, thinking of us now and then.  good december to you all.  and then, another year begins.