We Begin

We have come from where we were to where we are in a very short time.  Early in the month, it was clear that Ed's increasing feeling of tiredness needed to be addressed.  That led to blood tests which showed severe anemia.  That led to a FOBT that was positive for loss of blood from the intestines.  That led to a colonoscopy, that showed a 2.5 inch mass in the colon, probably cancer, which needed to be removed + a biopsy.  That led to a CAT scan to determine whether, if cancer, it had spread beyond the intestine.

And that is where we are now.  The GI doc says, 'probably cancer,' but there is no other information than that.  The biopsy and the CAT scan results won't be available to us until next Tuesday.  Regardless of the results of those tests, there will be surgery to remove that section of intestine.  Depending upon the results of the biopsy and CAT scan, the surgery might be more expansive.

I know a lot more, but not about Ed.  The Google offers me plenty of statistical information.  Stage 1 and 2 and 3 colon cancers have pretty good outcomes.  Stage 4, not.  About 20% of colon cancer diagnoses turn out to be metastatic (poor outcomes).  I realized after a certain amount of this reading that what I was doing was giving myself the opportunity to dwell on the worst outcomes, presumably in order to prepare myself.  So I stopped research.

But the fact is, the data help one to make decisions, but we have no decisions to make at this moment.  We have already decided to go ahead quickly with the surgery, not because speed matters re the mass's removal, but because the anemia is problematic and removing the mass will stop the loss of blood.

So those are the facts.  Ed tires easily because of the anemia, but that is the only thing that is manifest.  He disciplines his thoughts like no one I have ever known, and he did it long before this month.  I am trying to remain in the moment, doing what lies before me, creating order, not disorder.  It feels a little like a life of sudden bromides, but that is what gets you through life in crises, if this turns out to be a crisis.  Whatever it is, this morning it got a lot of house cleaning done.